Why Tinder Is Ruining Your Dating Life

Tinder! It’s only been around a few short years but it seems that EVERYONE is using it, at least with the 18/40 age bracket.

If you’ve ever used the app, you’ve probably instinctively reached the conclusion that “it just isn’t right for me” if you’re a woman, and “Total waste of time” if you’re a man. In this article we’ll attempt to show WHY it doesn’t work out well for either sex (except for a tiny % of users). You might be surprised at what we have to say.

1. Most women judge men VERY harshly from their photos.


The average guy who starts using Tinder is going to have a very hard time on the basis of their photos. A comprehensive study was carried out by OK Cupid (based on a sample size of millions of users) to determine the effect of profile photos on the amount of mail men and women receive. Unsurprisingly, it is hugely important : the better the photo, the more uninitiated contact you get, and the higher chance of a response to a sent email. Stands to reason, right?

What is surprising is just how harshly women judge men based on their photos.

Have a look at this graph
1 Female-Messaging-maleattractiveness

The grey line shows that an incredible 80% of women rate men as worse looking than average. Ouch.

The same study also showed that men are FAR kinder, and judged relatively normal, average looking women as just that : average. Not worse, not ugly. Just average. You would expect to see this kind of graph from a normally distributed set of data.

However, men disproportionately initiate contact with the upper end of women in terms of attractiveness. When you combine that with the data from the graph above, you have a situation where the upper end girls get SO many emails, that she is swamped for choice. Combine that with the fact that because women judge men so harshly, it becomes clear that the average guy is NEVER going to get a look in. Even the better looking guys are facing fierce competition.

From the female side, when women do email men, they go for only the top 10% or so. What this means for the female thought process is this: An average looking woman (as rated by millions of samples from the OK cupid dating site) is convinced that the average man is not good enough for her, and so pursues (or responds to) only the top 10% or so.

Basically it’s a giant mess in which 90% of men get NOTHING, a few guys get all the joy, and most women don’t get what they want either.

Now that is based on OK Cupid. Multiply that by 10 because Tinder is really all about photos and it’s so easy to swipe left or right, and you will see that for the average guy (and woman too) Tinder is a complete waste of time.

2. A lot of women use Tinder mainly for entertainment and having a laugh.

women looking at phone laughing

Women use Tinder in a different way to men. Men sign up to the app with the hope of being able to at least go on dates and meet women, and as we’ve seen, for the majority of make users this doesn’t happen. Partially this is because of the judgement that 80% of men are below average in looks and hence to not get swiped.

Because of this, most men quickly learn to simply swipe Yes to every single woman, because they know that the probability of being matched is low – so why waste the time in agonising over each photo? They are simply being logical.

The result is that even an average woman gets hundreds of matches, whereas the average man gets 1 or 2. Therefore when a woman signs up and is greeted by 100s of matches from guys ranging from average to male model material, she feels she has endless opportunities – and this is where the fun starts. She can afford to play around, not respond to messages, tease guys , pretend to be interested when she is not, etc. It’s just a fun way of passing time and getting lots of attention for many girls. For the average guy however, with little experience of real life dating, the Tinder experience of hardly ever getting matched, it ends up being very disheartening and a giant time sink.

For the more attractive guys who do get matches, they might get to go on dates but by and large they will quickly discover that the girls photos do not match their looks in real life…Which leads us to drawback number 3….

3. The photos on Tinder hardly ever match real life


The photos on Tinder are carefully curated to represent the best that the user will ever look. For women, this means that the guy might well be older, most likely shorter, and often balder than they show in their photos! For the men, this means women often look TOTALLY different : heavier, older, shorter or 2-3 points less pretty than they actually show in their pictures. Women are masters at presenting themselves in the best possible light in 2d photos(think about how quickly they get used to showing themselves in the best possible angles, best lighting etc).

So when your Tinder date turns up looking nothing like their photo, it’s tempting to just scarper quickly before having to waste your time on a date when you are really not all that attracted to the person. Again, a waste of time for both men and women (if they ever match at all in the first place!)

4. Men and women become attracted differently

ugly man hot girl

Think about dating mismatches. How often do you see women with significantly less attractive partners? It’s easy to dismiss is as “he must have a lot of money”.

But the fact is, a womans attraction to a man is far more complex and nuanced than a mans attraction to a woman. If you put a hot sexy young girl in front of a man, as long as she is not a psychopath then there is a 95% chance he will want to sleep with her.

However a womans attraction is HUGELY affected by a mans behavior. Women DO become attracted to a man based on the way he acts, even if it is not an immediate “WOW” effect based on his looks, it can build over the course of a few hours / days or weeks.

This is the real tragedy of Tinder. Many women are missing out on what could legitimately be a REAL match : someone she is attracted to who has a lot to offer but just doesn’t photograph all that well. For any women reading this, take the time to think about this before you dismiss and swipe left to that average looking man
you see on your Tinder screen…